Being raped isn’t something you can prepare for. It isn’t like learning to avoid strangers. When you are put in this situation, your body is paralyzed, you can’t move and screaming will only make your attacker angrier. So you shut up, don’t move, and cry silently.
A rape victim’s hellish nightmare doesn’t end after the rape. If they choose to report the crime, the victim is forced to relive the events while retelling their story to emotionless law enforcers. If the victim forgets a detail in the second telling of their rape, or cannot continue speaking because of overtaking emotions, they are quickly marked as inconsistent and are looked at with a skeptical eye.
In October, I joined a group of my friends to attend an MIT fraternity party. The night took a turn for the worse when the friend I was standing with left to use the restroom. The rest of the group I went to the party with disappeared into the crowd. I was alone, under the influence, and clueless.
Immediately, I was approached by a boy who gave me a drink, and insisted to see my I.D to clarify that I attended MIT. Upon arriving at the conclusion that I wasn’t an MIT student, he told me he needed to show me something. I followed him, unaware of what I would experience just a few moments later. Upon leaving the main area of the party, everything became foggy. I wasn’t able to say the words “yes” or “no.” My mouth was dry, my hands were clammy, and I was scared.
The next morning every painful moment of the night before came flooding back. I had consumed alcohol before this night but knew there was something off with the way I felt. 24 hours later in the Tufts Medical center, a nurse revealed that my toxicology report was positive for GHB, a commonly used date rape drug.
What happened at MIT changed my life forever, but what was equally as traumatizing were my following experiences with law enforcers. Our legal system in the United States is among the best in the world, but it lacks space for the victim to be treated as someone who has experienced severe trauma.
It is extremely common in rape cases for the victim to stay silent. I was going to stay silent, but then I realized if I didn't speak up my story would never be told, and my rapist would continue to rape. So I talked. I watched my rape flash in front of me as the painful story of my stolen sexual innocence was exploited. If police officers encourage rape victims to come forward about their attacks, then why are they not sympathetic of the victim’s pain? Why do they persist that the victim continually has to be labeled as “Raped Girl,” rather than allowing them to heal and become survivors?
One of the recommended procedures stressed by the police is receiving a rape kit. After I reported the crime and finished talking to several officers, two EMTs walked into the room. Speaking to the police was extremely stressful on its own, and now they wanted me to go to the hospital, where I would be violated again.
With basically no choice, I went to the hospital. I cried as doctors poked and prodded at my arms and legs, and was in shock when a male doctor came in to administer the rape kit. I was told he was the only doctor on call who could legally do this procedure. Yet again with no choice, I was being touched by a man in a place no one wants to be touched against their will. I am aware of the difference between rape and medical examinations, but what doctors and police do not understand is these two things feel the same only a day after a rape.
When my rape kit results came back, there was no trace of sperm or DNA. However, there was spermicide, which implies that my attacker was wearing a condom. Immediately my case was put on the backburner and I wasn’t contacted for weeks.
There is currently no law in place that directly says that a rapist can only be convicted upon conclusion that their DNA is found on the victim. However, there is a law that says a person cannot be found guilty unless proven beyond reasonable doubt. According to the U.S Department of Justice, 37% of rapists are prosecuted. This is low considering not all prosecutions result in arrest. The law needs to be adjusted so that other factors, such as personal testimony, are taken into consideration by the police.
The police believe that without DNA, raped women are no longer victims. Instead, we are just women who “said” we were raped.
One in four female college students are sexually assaulted each year. Rape cases are less likely to end in arrest than burglary cases. According to the center of Problem Oriented Policing, or POP, 69% of burglary cases end in arrest while only 25 % of rape cases do.
Despite the negligence I experienced from law enforcement, I have decided that I can no longer be a victim. In order to make changes in police policy, I have to be a survivor. I need to be strong. I have to represent the thousands of U.S women, and college students like myself who are silenced.