By Rachelle Martin, Staff Writer, Emerson College
Welcome, gentlemen! I, a self-certified Feminist lady, am here to give you the permission you have been waiting for: Yes, you can be feminists.
I know not every guy wonders this, and certainly not every guy will need this guide, but the age-old question of can-I-be-a-feminist-even-though-I’m-a-man has probably crossed your mind at one point or another, and you know what they say—college is the time to experiment (with feminism). So here’s me, encouraging you to explore your feminist side with these three simple steps.
Step One: Understanding Why You Feel Excluded From the Movement
If you don’t know about male privilege, take a minute to google it. Have you googled it? Yes? Okay, excellent. It’s okay to have privilege. Having privilege does not make you intrinsically a bad person or some eternal wrong-doer who has coffee with Satan on Wednesdays talking about next week’s plans to abuse and terrify women. It doesn’t even mean that your life hasn’t been hard. Privilege just means that you are a part of a group that has systematic power over another group in the system, which we refer to as “the patriarchy.” As the part on top, which regularly reinforces inequality, it’s your job to make sure you and all your privileged friends don’t make life even harder on the people that your group hurts, by choice or by consequence..
In a world where we’re constantly being shamed for our sexualities, harassed for choices about our body, and underrepresented in the media and government, women have noticed that the people on top of the system who keep these issues in place are those with male privilege—or, most men. Now imagine if one of those men came into the space that you and other oppressed individuals like you had created to talk about your issues. It might make you a little nervous at first, right?
This isn’t to say all men make all women (and all feminists) nervous. Pretty important men, from Joe Biden to Ryan Gosling, have gotten along with feminists and even taken on the title. It’s not bad to want to talk to feminists and to become one, but you might face some difficulty, and it’s important to recognize that the difficulty isn’t necessarily your fault, but is your responsibility to solve given the circumstances of your privilege.
Welcome, gentlemen! I, a self-certified Feminist lady, am here to give you the permission you have been waiting for: Yes, you can be feminists.
I know not every guy wonders this, and certainly not every guy will need this guide, but the age-old question of can-I-be-a-feminist-even-though-I’m-a-man has probably crossed your mind at one point or another, and you know what they say—college is the time to experiment (with feminism). So here’s me, encouraging you to explore your feminist side with these three simple steps.
Step One: Understanding Why You Feel Excluded From the Movement
If you don’t know about male privilege, take a minute to google it. Have you googled it? Yes? Okay, excellent. It’s okay to have privilege. Having privilege does not make you intrinsically a bad person or some eternal wrong-doer who has coffee with Satan on Wednesdays talking about next week’s plans to abuse and terrify women. It doesn’t even mean that your life hasn’t been hard. Privilege just means that you are a part of a group that has systematic power over another group in the system, which we refer to as “the patriarchy.” As the part on top, which regularly reinforces inequality, it’s your job to make sure you and all your privileged friends don’t make life even harder on the people that your group hurts, by choice or by consequence..
In a world where we’re constantly being shamed for our sexualities, harassed for choices about our body, and underrepresented in the media and government, women have noticed that the people on top of the system who keep these issues in place are those with male privilege—or, most men. Now imagine if one of those men came into the space that you and other oppressed individuals like you had created to talk about your issues. It might make you a little nervous at first, right?
This isn’t to say all men make all women (and all feminists) nervous. Pretty important men, from Joe Biden to Ryan Gosling, have gotten along with feminists and even taken on the title. It’s not bad to want to talk to feminists and to become one, but you might face some difficulty, and it’s important to recognize that the difficulty isn’t necessarily your fault, but is your responsibility to solve given the circumstances of your privilege.
Step Two: Proving Yourself by Staying Quiet and Doing Your Own Research For a While
Most of the time it’s harder for men to look back and see women when they’re so far down the ladder. It’s much easier to see oppression when looking up, and this is true in all cases. It can be generally stated that most cis men don’t experience what most women experience in this patriarchal society which benefits the straight, white, heterosexual male.
To solve this, listen. Don’t speak. Listen to what today’s women are saying about feminism. Listen to black lesbian feminist poets and to transwomen feminist scholars and to the women in your life. If you don’t understand something, ask questions until you do. Remember that different feminists are going to give you different answers because, like any political movement, not all of the members are going to agree on everything. It’s okay to ask twice if you need to, but remember that your job right now, as an up-and-coming feminist, isn’t to make uneducated opinions. Your job is to get educated.
Then, once you’ve done your research and learned that feminists don’t actually eat men, you’re allowed to start participating in the discussion.
Most of the time it’s harder for men to look back and see women when they’re so far down the ladder. It’s much easier to see oppression when looking up, and this is true in all cases. It can be generally stated that most cis men don’t experience what most women experience in this patriarchal society which benefits the straight, white, heterosexual male.
To solve this, listen. Don’t speak. Listen to what today’s women are saying about feminism. Listen to black lesbian feminist poets and to transwomen feminist scholars and to the women in your life. If you don’t understand something, ask questions until you do. Remember that different feminists are going to give you different answers because, like any political movement, not all of the members are going to agree on everything. It’s okay to ask twice if you need to, but remember that your job right now, as an up-and-coming feminist, isn’t to make uneducated opinions. Your job is to get educated.
Then, once you’ve done your research and learned that feminists don’t actually eat men, you’re allowed to start participating in the discussion.
Step Three: Understanding that Your Problems are Part of the Patriarchy, Too
So right now we know a lot of the things that are wrong with American society’s key elements of femininity. Women have to be polite, pretty and sexy but not too much of either, discrete with our sexualities unless we want to be labeled a “slut,” understand that our life’s mission is to pop out babies and learn how to make a mean pasta salad and/or chicken casserole, and have to listen to and obey men.
Believe it or not, much of the way masculinity is defined sounds just as bad when it’s listed out like that. Just a few weeks ago, my boyfriend explained some of the key elements of masculinity to me.
“Figuring out how to be a man is like walking around with a blindfold on and not knowing if you’re going the right way, and never being able to ask any of the other men what’s going on,” he said. He went on to explain how men aren’t encouraged to communicate with each other, which is different from women, who are encouraged to show emotion and talk with other women, and therefore have more of a connection to their gender expression, even if it is a heavily defined and oppressive one.
Similarly, a lot of masculinity in American society is the direct rejection of femininity. Men must be stolid, powerful, and assertive, because women are emotional, submissive, and weak. The rigidness of this binary was developed by the patriarchy.
It’s harder, especially if you’re scared of admitting privilege, to understand that the blame for this is the people of your gender, and possibly you. But that’s okay, because that means you’re in the best possible place to stop it from happening. Feminism was created so both genders could have a dialogue about the binary, but recently “feminism” has become a dirty word associated with outspoken, “obnoxious” women. But feminism doesn’t only want to talk about femininity, nor does it belong just to women. Men can also use it to spring discussions with other men about gender dynamics, and how the current system is unfair to women and to men in different ways.
Feminism is rad. It lets people criticize and change the dynamics of gender from within the system. Women can’t possibly do it alone, and Most of the time we’re happy to reach out a hand to dudes who can understand that we’re not trying to hurt anybody. If you can reach out to us and let us know you’re not trying to hurt us, either, that would be good, too.
Rachelle is a WLP major from California. She likes coffee but also naps, which means she makes tough decisions on a daily basis, and should not be underestimated. You can find Rachelle on Twitter.
So right now we know a lot of the things that are wrong with American society’s key elements of femininity. Women have to be polite, pretty and sexy but not too much of either, discrete with our sexualities unless we want to be labeled a “slut,” understand that our life’s mission is to pop out babies and learn how to make a mean pasta salad and/or chicken casserole, and have to listen to and obey men.
Believe it or not, much of the way masculinity is defined sounds just as bad when it’s listed out like that. Just a few weeks ago, my boyfriend explained some of the key elements of masculinity to me.
“Figuring out how to be a man is like walking around with a blindfold on and not knowing if you’re going the right way, and never being able to ask any of the other men what’s going on,” he said. He went on to explain how men aren’t encouraged to communicate with each other, which is different from women, who are encouraged to show emotion and talk with other women, and therefore have more of a connection to their gender expression, even if it is a heavily defined and oppressive one.
Similarly, a lot of masculinity in American society is the direct rejection of femininity. Men must be stolid, powerful, and assertive, because women are emotional, submissive, and weak. The rigidness of this binary was developed by the patriarchy.
It’s harder, especially if you’re scared of admitting privilege, to understand that the blame for this is the people of your gender, and possibly you. But that’s okay, because that means you’re in the best possible place to stop it from happening. Feminism was created so both genders could have a dialogue about the binary, but recently “feminism” has become a dirty word associated with outspoken, “obnoxious” women. But feminism doesn’t only want to talk about femininity, nor does it belong just to women. Men can also use it to spring discussions with other men about gender dynamics, and how the current system is unfair to women and to men in different ways.
Feminism is rad. It lets people criticize and change the dynamics of gender from within the system. Women can’t possibly do it alone, and Most of the time we’re happy to reach out a hand to dudes who can understand that we’re not trying to hurt anybody. If you can reach out to us and let us know you’re not trying to hurt us, either, that would be good, too.
Rachelle is a WLP major from California. She likes coffee but also naps, which means she makes tough decisions on a daily basis, and should not be underestimated. You can find Rachelle on Twitter.