By Amanda Doughty, Staff Writer, Emerson College
“You know he has a girlfriend, right?”
Actually, no, I didn’t. In the past two weeks of spending six hours a day together, it had not come up once. I guess there was no time in between practicing lines, learning choreography, and flirting- especially that last one. Maybe there’s something about playing love interests, or spending an obscene amount of time together, but the chemistry we had onstage had certainly carried offstage. Everyone in the cast noticed it; everyone involved behind the scenes was uncomfortable with it. The connection was clear and at age fifteen, it was nothing I’d ever felt before.
By the time I heard about the girlfriend I was too far-gone. She was just a technicality. I let my crazy imagination come up with the idea that he’d leave his girlfriend for me, and lived in this fantasy for far too long. So I let the flirtation continue, and when he finally kissed me the girlfriend didn’t even cross my mind. But the fantasy didn’t pan out the way I’d hoped, and I ended up heartbroken. To this day, I’m pretty sure that girl doesn’t know who I am or what I’ve done.
I wish I could say I learned my lesson there.
About a year later, another boy found his way into my life. He had a girlfriend, but she lived in Canada and he’d never met her. He’d told me repeatedly that the relationship was falling apart anyway. For whatever reason, I thought that made him fair game. Unlike the last time around, this one actually broke up with this girl for me. At least, it might have been me. Turns out there wasn’t the only “other girl” in this scenario. In fact, I was one of three. That poor Canadian girl had no idea. What goes around comes around, I suppose.
“You know he has a girlfriend, right?”
Actually, no, I didn’t. In the past two weeks of spending six hours a day together, it had not come up once. I guess there was no time in between practicing lines, learning choreography, and flirting- especially that last one. Maybe there’s something about playing love interests, or spending an obscene amount of time together, but the chemistry we had onstage had certainly carried offstage. Everyone in the cast noticed it; everyone involved behind the scenes was uncomfortable with it. The connection was clear and at age fifteen, it was nothing I’d ever felt before.
By the time I heard about the girlfriend I was too far-gone. She was just a technicality. I let my crazy imagination come up with the idea that he’d leave his girlfriend for me, and lived in this fantasy for far too long. So I let the flirtation continue, and when he finally kissed me the girlfriend didn’t even cross my mind. But the fantasy didn’t pan out the way I’d hoped, and I ended up heartbroken. To this day, I’m pretty sure that girl doesn’t know who I am or what I’ve done.
I wish I could say I learned my lesson there.
About a year later, another boy found his way into my life. He had a girlfriend, but she lived in Canada and he’d never met her. He’d told me repeatedly that the relationship was falling apart anyway. For whatever reason, I thought that made him fair game. Unlike the last time around, this one actually broke up with this girl for me. At least, it might have been me. Turns out there wasn’t the only “other girl” in this scenario. In fact, I was one of three. That poor Canadian girl had no idea. What goes around comes around, I suppose.
Let it be known that I don’t condone cheating, nor am I proud of the decisions I’ve made. However, I think there are multiple sides to every story. Whenever I see “the other girl” in the media, she’s always some sort of temptress: a whore, a slut, a home wrecker, and she’s always looked down upon. Scarlett Johansson’s character is easily the least likable in He’s Just Not That Into You. Mary Margaret loses the respect of the entire town after her affair with David on Once Upon a Time. LeAnn Rhymes will never be able to recover her image in the public eye after her affair with Eddie Cibrian. In fact, if I casually told you I ruined two relationships, it’s possible that you’d think I was a slut as well. Maybe you already do. And maybe you’ve lost all respect for me.
Why do we jump to that conclusion so quickly? Why do we just judge someone before we know the whole story? Does a woman become lesser when she falls to temptation?
Let’s take my story, for example. Call me a slut and a whore all you want, but I’m a virgin. I didn’t get involved with these boys just for sex. And, even if I was, I shouldn’t be looked down upon for that. Frankly, there’s nothing wrong with being sexually active, and shaming someone for being such is something that needs to stop. In fact, I was quite emotionally invested (especially the first time around). In both situations, there was a connection that was undeniable. Am I worse person for acting upon that? Because, frankly, I don’t think so.
I wouldn’t call myself a victim by any means, but I wasn’t the sole instigator either. They both played their part in what happened. They could have ended things before it got out of hand, and they chose not to. Granted, I could have chosen to end things as well, but the fact that they didn’t still says something.
I hate the way we as a society view the “other girl.” Most men seem to think we’re easy, and that getting with us would take little to no effort at all. They think we’re desperate sluts who will stop at nothing to get what they want. And maybe some women are that way, but I’m certainly not. As disgusting as this is, the way a majority of women view “the other girl” disgusts me even more. Suddenly, they’re a despicable creature- the worst kind of human being. I’m even guilty of thinking that way from time to time. But I also think, as a feminist, that women should stand by one another. We need to be united, as women, as feminists, and as human beings. And maybe that means we shouldn’t steal each other’s lovers, but the past can’t be changed. Everyone makes mistakes, and that shouldn’t make you think any less of a person.
Do I regret what I did? Absolutely. If I ever met one of those girls in person, I would apologize, and be willing to face any backlash they’d give me because I know I deserve it. However, I have a story of my own, and so do all the other “other” women. So I guess the moral here is don’t be so quick judge people. They have a story, just like you.
Amanda is the biggest Disney nerd you'll ever meet in your entire life. She also likes food, and tap dancing, and writing...writing's pretty cool too.
Why do we jump to that conclusion so quickly? Why do we just judge someone before we know the whole story? Does a woman become lesser when she falls to temptation?
Let’s take my story, for example. Call me a slut and a whore all you want, but I’m a virgin. I didn’t get involved with these boys just for sex. And, even if I was, I shouldn’t be looked down upon for that. Frankly, there’s nothing wrong with being sexually active, and shaming someone for being such is something that needs to stop. In fact, I was quite emotionally invested (especially the first time around). In both situations, there was a connection that was undeniable. Am I worse person for acting upon that? Because, frankly, I don’t think so.
I wouldn’t call myself a victim by any means, but I wasn’t the sole instigator either. They both played their part in what happened. They could have ended things before it got out of hand, and they chose not to. Granted, I could have chosen to end things as well, but the fact that they didn’t still says something.
I hate the way we as a society view the “other girl.” Most men seem to think we’re easy, and that getting with us would take little to no effort at all. They think we’re desperate sluts who will stop at nothing to get what they want. And maybe some women are that way, but I’m certainly not. As disgusting as this is, the way a majority of women view “the other girl” disgusts me even more. Suddenly, they’re a despicable creature- the worst kind of human being. I’m even guilty of thinking that way from time to time. But I also think, as a feminist, that women should stand by one another. We need to be united, as women, as feminists, and as human beings. And maybe that means we shouldn’t steal each other’s lovers, but the past can’t be changed. Everyone makes mistakes, and that shouldn’t make you think any less of a person.
Do I regret what I did? Absolutely. If I ever met one of those girls in person, I would apologize, and be willing to face any backlash they’d give me because I know I deserve it. However, I have a story of my own, and so do all the other “other” women. So I guess the moral here is don’t be so quick judge people. They have a story, just like you.
Amanda is the biggest Disney nerd you'll ever meet in your entire life. She also likes food, and tap dancing, and writing...writing's pretty cool too.