By Amanda Doughty, Staff Writer, Emerson College
Let it be known that I most certainly consider myself a feminist. I believe in equal rights for women and female empowerment. The existence of glass ceiling irks me to no end. The fact that women are still treated like objects in other countries makes me physically sick. I am a feminist, without a doubt.
However, that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being treated like a lady.
Let’s take, for example, men holding the door for women. Some feminists argue that this is insulting, as though men feel we can’t open a door on our own. I, for one, have never seen it that way. I see it simply as a nice gesture. In fact, I’ve talked to several of my male friends about this issue, and they all say that they’re just trying to be polite. In fact, it actually bothers them when women get offended by them holding the door. I mean, it’s 2013. I’m pretty sure men know that women are capable of opening doors by themselves. They’re just being kind. So what I normally do is return that kindness. If there are two doors, and he opens the first one for me, I’ll open the second door for him. That way, both my inner lady and my inner feminist are satisfied, and we remain equals.
I feel the same way about men buying women dinner, or just paying for things in general. Some argue that this means the man thinks the woman doesn’t have money of her own. But, again, I’ve never seen it that way. I think if the guy offers to pay, he’s simply being a gentleman. And maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think the man should pay- certainly not all the time, but at least on the first date. If they asked you out, then they should pay. Maybe you should pay if you’re the one that asked them out, but I’ve never been in that situation so I can’t really speak on it. But, much like before, I like to keep things equal, so I’ll usually pay for the second date. And, from what I’ve gathered, guys gain a lot of respect for women when they offer to do that. In my opinion, it’s a win-win situation for feminists: you keep things equal, you get respect, and both of you keep money in your wallets. Everybody’s happy.
When it comes to platonic situations, I’d say go dutch. But hey, if they offer to pay, take them up on it. It can’t hurt, and you can get the next one.
I feel like a lot of this has to do with the way I was raised. I wouldn’t call anyone in my family a raging feminist. My feminism was certainly something I found on my own while I was growing up. But they did instill one thing in me: you should never settle for someone who doesn’t treat you like a lady. If they don’t hold the door, and take your coat, and whatnot, they’re not worth your time. Especially as I grew older and began to enter the dating world, this is something they talked about a lot. Like, a lot.
But I also think part of it has to do with the fact that I may be a feminist, but I’m also a woman. Correction: I’m a girlie girl. I love getting dressed up pretty, and getting pedicures, and going to the salon to get my hair done. I went all out for prom. I take selfies when my hair looks really good. I fantasize about my dream wedding. I don’t leave my room without red lipstick in my purse, and feel a thousand times more confident when I’m wearing it. I absolutely want to me a mother some day, and have several names in mind for possible children. By all definitions, I’m a “girlie girl.”
Some would argue that this makes me less of a feminist because I validate more “traditional” female stereotypes. But I still support all the same ideals as the more “hardcore” feminists. I may be a stereotypical “girl,” and I enjoy being treated like a lady, but I am still a feminist.
Maybe it’s its own type of feminism, and the “girlie girl” her own type of feminist. But, in my opinion, feminism is feminism. No matter what we indulge in, we support the same ideals. We have the same dreams and goals. And frankly, if we are ever going to break that glass ceiling, or speak for the silenced women abroad, or really have equal rights for everyone, we have to stick together.
So don’t be afraid to indulge in your girliest of desires. You are still a feminist, I promise.
Amanda is the biggest Disney nerd you'll ever meet in your entire life. She also likes food, and tap dancing, and writing...writing's pretty cool too.
Let it be known that I most certainly consider myself a feminist. I believe in equal rights for women and female empowerment. The existence of glass ceiling irks me to no end. The fact that women are still treated like objects in other countries makes me physically sick. I am a feminist, without a doubt.
However, that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being treated like a lady.
Let’s take, for example, men holding the door for women. Some feminists argue that this is insulting, as though men feel we can’t open a door on our own. I, for one, have never seen it that way. I see it simply as a nice gesture. In fact, I’ve talked to several of my male friends about this issue, and they all say that they’re just trying to be polite. In fact, it actually bothers them when women get offended by them holding the door. I mean, it’s 2013. I’m pretty sure men know that women are capable of opening doors by themselves. They’re just being kind. So what I normally do is return that kindness. If there are two doors, and he opens the first one for me, I’ll open the second door for him. That way, both my inner lady and my inner feminist are satisfied, and we remain equals.
I feel the same way about men buying women dinner, or just paying for things in general. Some argue that this means the man thinks the woman doesn’t have money of her own. But, again, I’ve never seen it that way. I think if the guy offers to pay, he’s simply being a gentleman. And maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think the man should pay- certainly not all the time, but at least on the first date. If they asked you out, then they should pay. Maybe you should pay if you’re the one that asked them out, but I’ve never been in that situation so I can’t really speak on it. But, much like before, I like to keep things equal, so I’ll usually pay for the second date. And, from what I’ve gathered, guys gain a lot of respect for women when they offer to do that. In my opinion, it’s a win-win situation for feminists: you keep things equal, you get respect, and both of you keep money in your wallets. Everybody’s happy.
When it comes to platonic situations, I’d say go dutch. But hey, if they offer to pay, take them up on it. It can’t hurt, and you can get the next one.
I feel like a lot of this has to do with the way I was raised. I wouldn’t call anyone in my family a raging feminist. My feminism was certainly something I found on my own while I was growing up. But they did instill one thing in me: you should never settle for someone who doesn’t treat you like a lady. If they don’t hold the door, and take your coat, and whatnot, they’re not worth your time. Especially as I grew older and began to enter the dating world, this is something they talked about a lot. Like, a lot.
But I also think part of it has to do with the fact that I may be a feminist, but I’m also a woman. Correction: I’m a girlie girl. I love getting dressed up pretty, and getting pedicures, and going to the salon to get my hair done. I went all out for prom. I take selfies when my hair looks really good. I fantasize about my dream wedding. I don’t leave my room without red lipstick in my purse, and feel a thousand times more confident when I’m wearing it. I absolutely want to me a mother some day, and have several names in mind for possible children. By all definitions, I’m a “girlie girl.”
Some would argue that this makes me less of a feminist because I validate more “traditional” female stereotypes. But I still support all the same ideals as the more “hardcore” feminists. I may be a stereotypical “girl,” and I enjoy being treated like a lady, but I am still a feminist.
Maybe it’s its own type of feminism, and the “girlie girl” her own type of feminist. But, in my opinion, feminism is feminism. No matter what we indulge in, we support the same ideals. We have the same dreams and goals. And frankly, if we are ever going to break that glass ceiling, or speak for the silenced women abroad, or really have equal rights for everyone, we have to stick together.
So don’t be afraid to indulge in your girliest of desires. You are still a feminist, I promise.
Amanda is the biggest Disney nerd you'll ever meet in your entire life. She also likes food, and tap dancing, and writing...writing's pretty cool too.