Hello, my name is Natalie, and I am about to complete my freshman year of college while successfully having kept my boyfriend of (almost) three years.
You must be thinking - WHAT? How can this be? Didn't everyone who has ever said anything about college ever tell you that staying with your high school boyfriend (or significant other) in college would just end in you breaking up a few months in because you've "changed" and college is the time to "experiment" and "find yourself"?
Well, actually, they did. But you know what? It's easy to beat the system. Here's how.
- Based on my experience, don't go to the same school. That's right. Seems counter-intuitive, doesn't it? After doing nothing but being around your high school beau/significant other for months or even years, it's hard to imagine a life without them in it for almost every second of it. But remember how all of those people said that you need time to "find yourself" in college? Well, this is how. By going to a school that YOU want to go to, you'll be able to do what you want, exploring new things and learning to be independent. You'll have to grow up, that's for sure, but being apart will actually strengthen your relationship. You'll learn more about yourself and each other from the distance. And don't worry - you don't have to go too far from each other. Going to a school nearby is still totally acceptable, considering you'll still find yourself in your own unique community where you can learn to be yourself and grow.
- Find extracurricular activities and join them! Find things that you enjoy doing by yourself. You'll find a new group of friends and you'll find a place for yourself within the community of your own college. You'll grow so much during this time.
- At the same time, remember to schedule time with your significant other. Find some poor-college-kid date to go on. Walking through the public park or just walking around the city or college town you’re in can be an adventure in itself, and it's free! Other good options are sporting events (either through the colleges or the city you're in, depending on where in the world you decide to go), local arts of any kind (plays, museums, you name it), or things native to your new city of choice.
- You've got to have fun. Take some time to do things with your significant other that make you both happy. Do something that makes you nostalgic, like finding a restaurant from home on the outskirts of the city, or do something brand new that you both would enjoy. Take the time to do what you can with the youth that you have, and let the only limit be the money in the bank - not your resistance to change.
- Be forgiving. College is a tough transition. If your significant other forgets to call you back after his/her eight hours of classes and meetings the first week of school, you have to be able to accept it. As each of your lives become your own, you're going to find that a lot more gets thrown onto both of your plates. You have to be forgiving and supportive, and life will find a way to work out the kinks.
- Embrace their new friends. Although it might be tough to watch your beau/significant other making friends with new people (especially if you shared the same social circle back home), remember that everyone is making new friends. If your significant other decides that they're good people, be open minded when meeting them. Who knows? You could have twice the friends that you intended, and you'll have the chance to meet people you never would have before!
- Embrace YOUR new friends. Don't let your relationship get in the way of making new friends. Whether it's your new roommate, that one kid down the hall, or someone in your 8:30 MWF class, you're bound to find at least someone that you click with. You picked the same school for a reason! And you have to make time for those new friends, too. You and your significant other will need to find hours in the day to maintain the friendships that are being cultivated. If you can be understanding, so can they.
- Support each other in school and just in life in general. Just be kind to each other. College is stressful, but it's also one of the best experiences of your life. This new adventure is one that the two of you get to take together in some form or fashion. Although the ride may be bumpy at times, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and a bright future ahead for the both of you, no matter what happens.
So never fear, you star-crossed lovers. If you both are willing to work for it, your relationship does not need to become one that's thrown away the day you decide on your colleges. Those skeptics that warn you that college will chew up your high school sweetheart status and spit it into the gutter don't have to be proven right. College will change you both, but if you go with the flow, you can end up in a good place together.
Natalie Hamil is a Writing, Literature and Publishing major at Emerson College. She enjoys skimming bookstore shelves, watching the sun rise, and wearing bright/patterned pants.