By Anonymous, Staff Writer, Emerson College
Whether you’re an active participant, an envious observer, avoiding it at all possible costs, or just indifferent to the matter, there’s no denying that sex plays a pretty big role in the college experience. I can’t speak as anything more or less than a second-semester Freshman, but from what I’ve seen and what I’ve experienced, sex is the center of more than a few universes here at Emerson. Despite this integral component of our community, you don’t see a surplus of couples walking down Boylston or Tremont. Which brings us to the topic that’s put me on the receiving end of raised eyebrows, disgruntled stares, rolled eyes and high fives: hook ups.
Hook ups, in my eye, do not include one-night stands. Those are a completely different animal in the sexual world. For the purposes of this article, a hook up is when two people meet at least three times (the second time makes it more than a one-night stand, the third solidifies the fact that both parties realize they have something to offer the other) and do something physical each time. Like I said before, I don’t feign any level of expertise when it comes to screwing around, but I’ve compiled a set of guidelines that, if nothing else, are meant to help any and all members of a hook up situation maintain their sanity throughout and after the fact. Some of these rules I adhere to myself, others I wish I had, some have been gleaned through the experiences of friends, and all of them come with a disclaimer attached.
So, guideline the first! This may sound like the least relevant thing in the world, like it’s only meant for people involved with serious relationships, but communication and an open discussion about your involvement with each other is key. Is it awkward to try and be that open with someone you don’t know very well? Yes, but it’s worth knowing what your fuck buddy thinks before you invest too much or not enough in the “relationship.” You’re only interested in the physical, you just want to bang without any kind of emotional attachment? You need to say that. You’re looking at things through a long-term lens, you expect hook ups to turn into relationships? You really need to say that. Neither party should leave the other in the dark, and just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re looking to get closer or even be friends. It’s just the responsible thing to do.
Now let’s examine one of the more confusing, emotionally convoluted branches of hooking up: sleeping with (or pretty much sleeping with) a friend. If you have an established friendship with a person, you start hooking up and things go south (not in the good way), don’t immediately throw the relationship away. We’re all adults; we’re capable of having rational discussions with one another and hashing things out if we don’t let our nerves get the better of us. I’m not saying that all friendships can or should be salvaged after you’ve messed or around or had sex on a bathroom floor, all I’m suggesting is to try and patch things up before throwing a quality friendship to the curb.
If you haven’t seen each other in a week and a half, regardless of how often you text, you are no longer hooking up. Accept it and move on to finding someone new, or be content in your solitude. If it’s me, I want to see the person twice a week at least (preferably three or four times) and I want the time we spend together to be exclusively ours for fucking around or whatever it is we want to do. I try not to hook up with more than one person at a time, so a period of ten days without seeing my current fixation literally causes me to go into physical withdrawal (especially if I’ve already been with the person for a while). Yes, people have lives and their own friends and school and work and a million other things to do, but if you want the benefits of having someone around, you need to make the time.
These should really go without saying, but do not start hooking up with someone that is in a relationship or whose sexual orientation does not favor your own. Plain and simple. You are asking for so much shit if you get involved with either of these.
As a final piece of advice, don’t let anyone judge you for messing around. Sometimes, the most difficult part of hooking up with people is the opinions others will no doubt force on you. If you make the decision to satisfy yourself sexually, stand by it. Be out in the open. Don’t get with someone that isn’t proud of you, or even proud of themselves. Sex is natural, it feels good, and it’s a quintessential college experience for nearly everyone here at Emerson. Own your sexual pride, and no one can take it away from you, not even your hook up buddy.
Whether you’re an active participant, an envious observer, avoiding it at all possible costs, or just indifferent to the matter, there’s no denying that sex plays a pretty big role in the college experience. I can’t speak as anything more or less than a second-semester Freshman, but from what I’ve seen and what I’ve experienced, sex is the center of more than a few universes here at Emerson. Despite this integral component of our community, you don’t see a surplus of couples walking down Boylston or Tremont. Which brings us to the topic that’s put me on the receiving end of raised eyebrows, disgruntled stares, rolled eyes and high fives: hook ups.
Hook ups, in my eye, do not include one-night stands. Those are a completely different animal in the sexual world. For the purposes of this article, a hook up is when two people meet at least three times (the second time makes it more than a one-night stand, the third solidifies the fact that both parties realize they have something to offer the other) and do something physical each time. Like I said before, I don’t feign any level of expertise when it comes to screwing around, but I’ve compiled a set of guidelines that, if nothing else, are meant to help any and all members of a hook up situation maintain their sanity throughout and after the fact. Some of these rules I adhere to myself, others I wish I had, some have been gleaned through the experiences of friends, and all of them come with a disclaimer attached.
So, guideline the first! This may sound like the least relevant thing in the world, like it’s only meant for people involved with serious relationships, but communication and an open discussion about your involvement with each other is key. Is it awkward to try and be that open with someone you don’t know very well? Yes, but it’s worth knowing what your fuck buddy thinks before you invest too much or not enough in the “relationship.” You’re only interested in the physical, you just want to bang without any kind of emotional attachment? You need to say that. You’re looking at things through a long-term lens, you expect hook ups to turn into relationships? You really need to say that. Neither party should leave the other in the dark, and just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re looking to get closer or even be friends. It’s just the responsible thing to do.
Now let’s examine one of the more confusing, emotionally convoluted branches of hooking up: sleeping with (or pretty much sleeping with) a friend. If you have an established friendship with a person, you start hooking up and things go south (not in the good way), don’t immediately throw the relationship away. We’re all adults; we’re capable of having rational discussions with one another and hashing things out if we don’t let our nerves get the better of us. I’m not saying that all friendships can or should be salvaged after you’ve messed or around or had sex on a bathroom floor, all I’m suggesting is to try and patch things up before throwing a quality friendship to the curb.
If you haven’t seen each other in a week and a half, regardless of how often you text, you are no longer hooking up. Accept it and move on to finding someone new, or be content in your solitude. If it’s me, I want to see the person twice a week at least (preferably three or four times) and I want the time we spend together to be exclusively ours for fucking around or whatever it is we want to do. I try not to hook up with more than one person at a time, so a period of ten days without seeing my current fixation literally causes me to go into physical withdrawal (especially if I’ve already been with the person for a while). Yes, people have lives and their own friends and school and work and a million other things to do, but if you want the benefits of having someone around, you need to make the time.
These should really go without saying, but do not start hooking up with someone that is in a relationship or whose sexual orientation does not favor your own. Plain and simple. You are asking for so much shit if you get involved with either of these.
As a final piece of advice, don’t let anyone judge you for messing around. Sometimes, the most difficult part of hooking up with people is the opinions others will no doubt force on you. If you make the decision to satisfy yourself sexually, stand by it. Be out in the open. Don’t get with someone that isn’t proud of you, or even proud of themselves. Sex is natural, it feels good, and it’s a quintessential college experience for nearly everyone here at Emerson. Own your sexual pride, and no one can take it away from you, not even your hook up buddy.