We’ve all been there. This dude is hot. He’s semi interesting and single. Maybe he made a lame reference to a TV show you loved when you were growing up, or maybe it was his long-winded answer to why he loves his mother so much that got you all bothered and hot. Either way, you’re into him.
Here comes the annoying part: What’s next?
Keep in mind I am speaking from the perspective of a single white straight female. Not because I don’t want to include others, but because I have genuinely no clue how any group of people pick up other groups of people. If a spaceship full of Martians landed on Earth seeking advice on mating rituals that would save their species, I would have just as much advice for them as I would for a girl trying to get a guy.
To be fair, you wouldn’t want my advice anyway because I’d just tell you to be yourself and we all know that doesn’t work, so there really is no use asking me.
My question is the following: When is it okay to make the first move and when should you sit this one out?
In the past, I have experienced both options ending up in a giant fiery pile of fail.
Option One: You let the men make the moves.
Why not? Let you be the prey in this early adulthood game of life. Everyone is always saying women should play hard to get and not be too explicit with their needs. It’s interesting. Kind of like sticking your hand into a bag of jellybeans and having those jellybeans ignore you as you buy them drinks.
Option Two: You make the first move.
Who has time to waste? This person is clearly gunning for your top spot of bang-able dudes. Everyone is always saying men love it when you’re forward. Just count how many times you were asked out for a second date when you told him you loved him. I bet I know the answer.
Back to these options turning into fiery piles of fail. There were a few times where I acted coy, aloof, and mysterious, and let the men make the first move, but nothing happened. Not a smooch, not a hug, not even a butt grab in the corner.
On the other hand, there were also a few times where I took the proverbial reins and made the first move, and nothing happened. The guy wasn’t impressed, didn’t think I was ahead of my time, and never grabbed my butt in the corner.
So what’s up?! Who created the rules to hooking up and why is everyone on different pages? If you tell me that it’s because everyone is different and has different tastes, then tell me why they’re still making the Scary Movie franchise? Clearly we all know some inherent stuff, just not when it comes to being with other people.
Do you want to know my opinion? No? Oh well. It’s almost the end of this article and you’ll just have to bear with me.
I really think there’s no right answer anymore. I believe that if a guy finds the girl sexually attractive he won’t care who made the move. If a guy finds a girl hot he’ll be elated that she was the one that suggested he rests his hand on her shoulder because “its really loud in here!” If he doesn’t, she’s just the really desperate creepy chick at the party or even better, his ticket to her hot friend.
Now this is not being said as a slam on guys in ANY way (I really can’t afford to get on their bad sides at this point). Women do this as well. When a guy hits on them the same options are presented. Usually if the guy is attractive it’s considered really brave and manly, yet if he’s not, he suddenly becomes “that creep”.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you can do whatever you want. Be forward, be passive, play hard to get, don’t play games, touch his arm, throw your drink. It doesn’t matter. If the other person thinks you’re worth it, they will ignore you being too much of anything. If they don’t, oh well. Move on, find the next guy, and maybe he’ll grab your butt in the corner.
Some may call Dasha Fayvinova a visionary, others just call her really pale. Whichever you prefer, know that she's 5'9 and from the Bronx. She loves writing and she loves comedy which just means she will take any headline and try to make it funny. She spent 5 years of her life talking to a camera and putting it on YouTube so she knows how to please people. Follow her on Twitter @thedasha92.