By Chloe B. McAlpin, Staff Writer, Emerson College
I used to be one of those girls who would shrug up against a wall with a bunch of guys and complain about other girls my age.
“They are just so gossipy and shallow." I would roll my eyes and then go on to tell my male friends how much better they were to be around. How much less drama it was to not have girl friends and how I hated all the backstabbing. It never really occurred to me that (whoa) I was being the backstabbing, shallow girl I complained about or that (hey now) not every girl was like that. I went through the majority of high school thinking I was super cool for not liking other girls.
To be somewhat fair to myself, I had grown up in a household with two playful bothers and an older sister I could never relate to, so I had always made male friends pretty easily. However, I had never tried very hard with my female peers so when I heard two girls in the back of my English class discussing aliens in a TV show, though I was intrigued, I didn’t say anything. Slowly though I started to become fond for one of the girls, Danielle. Danielle initially caught my attention because she made sarcastic remarks about things that were sad and wore a shit ton of flannel, two traits I was unfamiliar with but admired.
One day, towards the beginning of our acquaintance, Danielle and I were sitting in the library working on a project. At one point, she mentioned causally in conversation that her mother had abandoned her as a child (It is worth noting here that we lived in a small conservative town where everyone wears Ralph Lauren and loves their children). Her voice sounded sad but it wasn't whiney or attention-seeking. It was just like she was talking about her life. She was just being honest about where she’d come from. I was shocked. I hardly knew this girl and now I knew about her harsh family dynamics. I stiffly told her I was sorry and offered her an awkward pat on the hand before quickly shrinking away. She just looked at me and laughed.
“It’s whatever.” She shrugged.
I used to be one of those girls who would shrug up against a wall with a bunch of guys and complain about other girls my age.
“They are just so gossipy and shallow." I would roll my eyes and then go on to tell my male friends how much better they were to be around. How much less drama it was to not have girl friends and how I hated all the backstabbing. It never really occurred to me that (whoa) I was being the backstabbing, shallow girl I complained about or that (hey now) not every girl was like that. I went through the majority of high school thinking I was super cool for not liking other girls.
To be somewhat fair to myself, I had grown up in a household with two playful bothers and an older sister I could never relate to, so I had always made male friends pretty easily. However, I had never tried very hard with my female peers so when I heard two girls in the back of my English class discussing aliens in a TV show, though I was intrigued, I didn’t say anything. Slowly though I started to become fond for one of the girls, Danielle. Danielle initially caught my attention because she made sarcastic remarks about things that were sad and wore a shit ton of flannel, two traits I was unfamiliar with but admired.
One day, towards the beginning of our acquaintance, Danielle and I were sitting in the library working on a project. At one point, she mentioned causally in conversation that her mother had abandoned her as a child (It is worth noting here that we lived in a small conservative town where everyone wears Ralph Lauren and loves their children). Her voice sounded sad but it wasn't whiney or attention-seeking. It was just like she was talking about her life. She was just being honest about where she’d come from. I was shocked. I hardly knew this girl and now I knew about her harsh family dynamics. I stiffly told her I was sorry and offered her an awkward pat on the hand before quickly shrinking away. She just looked at me and laughed.
“It’s whatever.” She shrugged.
Danielle and I started talking a lot. Soon I started going over to her house and driving her places in my car and she’d tell me about her boyfriend in Ohio and her family and I’d tell her about a crush I had and my writing. She was the most honest person I had ever met. I had never known anyone who actually told you when they were sad. In return no one had let me tell them I too was sad without quickly replying with something superficial like “It will get better” or “I understand." She never said that because she knew that maybe it wouldn't get better right away and perhaps she didn’t always understand. She never tried to preach to me that she did. She’d just let me talk.
There were a lot of pointless drives around our small town where we’d just talk and slowly I learned that I didn’t need to try and fix everything all the time, I just had to listen to her, too.
Laura and I talked a lot too but our friendship is a bit different. I had known Laura for years before we became good friends, but in that time I had never really tried to understand or get to know her. It wasn’t until junior year of high school that we started to grow very close.
Laura is the type of person who is shy when you first met them but then becomes crazy and silly once you know them. It was when Laura was crazy and silly that she started calling me out on all my shit, which no one had ever done before and which, quite frankly, pissed me off. There was, of course, a lot of shit to be called out on. I was sixteen and still, unfortunately, in that super cool phase.
Once Laura and I went to a poetry reading together and when I, with my nose up in the air, told the group that I thought a boy they were giggling about was “ok”, she just looked at me and rolled her eyes.
“Oh shut up, you liked him. You’re just too proud to admit it”
After a while I kind of started to like being called out though. She helped me realize, in a friendly way, how silly I was being. I started hanging around her more. That’s when I realized how much we had in common.
There were a lot of pointless drives around our small town where we’d just talk and slowly I learned that I didn’t need to try and fix everything all the time, I just had to listen to her, too.
Laura and I talked a lot too but our friendship is a bit different. I had known Laura for years before we became good friends, but in that time I had never really tried to understand or get to know her. It wasn’t until junior year of high school that we started to grow very close.
Laura is the type of person who is shy when you first met them but then becomes crazy and silly once you know them. It was when Laura was crazy and silly that she started calling me out on all my shit, which no one had ever done before and which, quite frankly, pissed me off. There was, of course, a lot of shit to be called out on. I was sixteen and still, unfortunately, in that super cool phase.
Once Laura and I went to a poetry reading together and when I, with my nose up in the air, told the group that I thought a boy they were giggling about was “ok”, she just looked at me and rolled her eyes.
“Oh shut up, you liked him. You’re just too proud to admit it”
After a while I kind of started to like being called out though. She helped me realize, in a friendly way, how silly I was being. I started hanging around her more. That’s when I realized how much we had in common.
Now, Laura is one of the wisest and exciting people I know. Sometimes we understand each other so well that we can just look at each other and start giggling. She understands how much I love to travel, and see new places. She gets me when I need my “alone time”. And as a fellow writer she listens and understands when I rant about my frustrations with writing. A few nights before I left for college I went over to her house with two huge bags of Cheetos and a Tina Fey movie. We talked until 3 AM about what we’d miss and how excited we were to be going off.
Being able to communicate with someone as well as I communicate with Laura is something I’d never experienced with another person before. It scares me that I would have missed out on our friendship if I’d just stereotyped her for being a girl.
I think a lot of girls sometimes feel that it’s really cool to not like other girls. Maybe they think it’s edgy or quirky or they saw a movie where it was portrayed that way. Whatever the case I want to stress how important my girl friends are in my life, and how much I’ve grown because of them. My guy friends mean the world to me, they’re amazing, but there is something about the understanding girls have that make Danielle and Laura extremely precious to me. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without my gal pals.
Chloe B. McAlpin is a Writing, Literature, and Publishing major at Emerson College. Originally from Florida, Chloe enjoys crunchy orange leaves, used bookstores, and Simon & Garfunkel. If she had to pick a favorite animal it would be a Persian cat, and if she had to pick a favorite person it would be Virginia Woolf. Contact Chloe on her Twitter.
Images: http://www.onefemalecanuck.com, huffpost.com
Being able to communicate with someone as well as I communicate with Laura is something I’d never experienced with another person before. It scares me that I would have missed out on our friendship if I’d just stereotyped her for being a girl.
I think a lot of girls sometimes feel that it’s really cool to not like other girls. Maybe they think it’s edgy or quirky or they saw a movie where it was portrayed that way. Whatever the case I want to stress how important my girl friends are in my life, and how much I’ve grown because of them. My guy friends mean the world to me, they’re amazing, but there is something about the understanding girls have that make Danielle and Laura extremely precious to me. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without my gal pals.
Chloe B. McAlpin is a Writing, Literature, and Publishing major at Emerson College. Originally from Florida, Chloe enjoys crunchy orange leaves, used bookstores, and Simon & Garfunkel. If she had to pick a favorite animal it would be a Persian cat, and if she had to pick a favorite person it would be Virginia Woolf. Contact Chloe on her Twitter.
Images: http://www.onefemalecanuck.com, huffpost.com